Thursday, May 8, 2014

On Giving It A Rest

Since I started this practice, one thing I've started to pay attention to are moments when I feel resistance to gratitude. What is going on in my life and my soul when I don't feel like writing a letter, and what kind of excuses do I make to not follow through with my practice? The latter tends to be busyness, which can sometimes be a strange conflation of events that makes my life truly jam-packed, but usually its a kind of self-induced self-importance, a way of retreating from others rather than leaning into life and the complexity that it brings.

Everybody likes to say they're busy. Out here in the suburbs, it's the litany of the day. "My God," folks say as they breathlessly walk to a meeting five minutes late, "Sorry. I'm just so busy." And they are. But many people (myself included) stuff their lives (and the lives of their children) so tightly that there is no room to take a pause. No room to appreciate their lives. No room for gratitude.

That's not to say that we should all rescind our invitations to parties, stop doing activities we enjoy, and join a hermitage. But I meet so many people who seem to take a weird masochistic pleasure in being perpetually overwhelmed, maybe out of fear that their lives are only meaningful if they'e exciting, maybe out of a worry that standing still will mean they actually have to be alone with themselves or family. God forbid if they don't like the company.

I do my best to practice Sabbath, a day set aside to rest and to appreciate God's creation. Historically, this is a weekly practice, but I also believe that Sabbath time is an important element to the day, every single day. These letters are a type of Sabbath. It's a break in my routine where I devote time to express gratitude for God's creation--creation manifest in people I love, and who love me in return. It's a time to direct my attention outside of myself; each letter is related to my experience, to be certain, but it provides me with a lens to see my own experience through an emphasis on another.

If busyness makes us the center of the universe, maybe gratitude is a natural deterrent for the kind of self-centeredness that teaches us to forget that the world is an enormous and incredible place, full of all kinds of people, most of whom are not me. Maybe gratitude helps direct us toward those moments and loved ones who are so vital to our wholeness. It steers us in the direction of love, and to a kind of living that takes time to be lived fully.




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